Out of Sorrow
by Crookykanks
Summary: Severus recieves a nasty surprise from the Minister of Magic that throws Minerva into dispair. What can he do to help the woman he always saw as a rival? One-Shot. SSMM


Albus Dumbledore

1844 – 1997.

May he rest in peace forever more

            The tombstone always seems impersonal, even when I look at it now. It tells the next generations of his heroic deeds and kind heart, but never of his laughing manner, of his sparkling eyes, or of what we all miss most: his comforting presence.

            The death of the headmaster came as a shock to everyone. After surviving the final war with the Dark Lord in which we lost so many young lives, he seemed infallible, even indestructible to the wizarding world. For the last few days of his life, he persecuted ministry officials who had spoken against his ways, reinstating and nourishing the dislike said officials held for him. To die in his sleep three weeks after the death of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, seemed like a hoax at first. I would not have believed it myself had I not seen his cold body while comforting the woman who had been closest to him, Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall.

            Minerva surprised us all on the battlefield by accidentally screaming out "Father!" when Albus was injured. The battle froze for a moment as she clamped her hand over her mouth as though that would stop the echo of her voice ringing through the suddenly silent field. Albus was first to recover. That was when he stunned Lucius Malfoy and the Lestranges. The headmaster did not wish to kill anyone. He wished appropriate punishments of course, but he did not want anyone dead if it was unnecessary. Maybe that's why we all miss him more than any other death.

            Everyone began to anticipate the announcing of Minerva as Hogwarts' next headmistress. Everyone, that is, except for the deputy head herself. Ever since the ministry had reminded her that it was not Dumbledore's untold wishes that would count, but the Minister of Magic's decision. Minerva would not accept that she would become headmistress. She quite simply did not want to get her hopes too high. We all thought that this was ridiculous. I frequently told her she had no reason to worry, or that she was the only possible candidate. She would thank me for the kind words, and otherwise not respond. This worried me. The Minister would announce his decision publicly, not send her notification. She was not being herself. She usually took things like this in stride, not caring what anyone else thought. This is the quality in Gryffindors that annoys me most, mainly because I wish I possessed it.

            When the time came for the Minister to announce his decision, we gathered in the Great Hall, as was custom for large announcements such as this. The headmaster chair was left empty as we all sat in our usual seating arrangements. It was something of an ominous feeling to know that these arrangement would change shortly, though we'd all only move down a chair until Minerva picked her own deputy (Filius, no doubt). The minister had prepared a speech for the occasion.

            "We are here now to announce the successor of the late Albus Dumbledore to the position of Headmaster of Hogwarts." A very complicated way of putting it: typical politician speech. "The death of Professor Dumbledore was a terrible shock that caused a great shake in our world. His name and great deeds shall live far beyond he would ever have known or expected," Or probably wanted. "However, now is the time for new beginnings, not dwelling on happenings of the past. We must move ahead and attempt to keep everything running as smoothly as it did before. It has been a difficult decision, trying to find the perfect successor to a man who was so well loved and respected, but I believe the decision made was the appropriate one, not just for current students and faculty but for those in years to come." Why did politicians have to make the longest speeches? Couldn't he just appoint Minerva and be on his merry way?

            "It gives me great pleasure to announce" Finally "that the next Headmaster of Hogwarts will be none other than--"

Wait, did he just say 'head_master_'? Why would he say that? Minerva's female. At least I hope she is. I would not like to be proven wrong on that particular subject.

            "Severus Snape!"

The whole Hall was poised to clap, but no one's hands made contact, except for two people: the minister and one other. Everyone else gave shocked looks to first the minister then to myself. I scanned the hall ready to glare at the applauding person, but was surprised to see that it was Minerva applauding the unexpected announcement, though she looked on the verge of tears. Reaching out, she touched my arm gently, letting her hand rest there briefly and said, "Congratulations, Severus. I'll go pack." She smiled half-heartedly and made to leave the hall.

"Where do you think you're going?" I didn't mean for my voice to echo through the hall like it did, but I didn't bother hushing it either. She whipped around to face me, looking a bit stunned for a moment, then smiled, turned back and left the hall. I followed her, leaving the oblivious Minister and a hall of confused faculty and students in my wake.

"Minerva!" She stopped, and turned back to face me, her eyes cast downward, her cheeks tear stained. "Where are you going?"

"I'm leaving." She replied softly, without harshness or contempt.

"Why? Stay!" I asked her as she began to walk away again. "Let me take you to your rooms at least."

I had not pitied many people before this, especially the formidable deputy head whom I loved to argue with so much. Seeing this side of Minerva was almost disturbing. She had made it seem as though she didn't care whether or not she received the position. I could now see though that, and it made me wonder how many things bothered her that greatly, and why she never told anyone.

As soon as we were both in her rooms and the door shut behind us, she seemed to forget I was there as she collapsed on the floor in desperate sobs. I'm not a comforting person. Emotions are by far not my strength, but seeing Minerva sobbing on the floor awakened a part of myself I had forgotten existed. I knelt next to her, about to say some comforting words, when she threw her arms around me and began crying into my chest. Her actions had surprised me, but I managed to keep my balance; now I wasn't sure at all what to do, however. Very cautiously I put one hand on her back and rested the other on her head, holding her so gently, she may not have felt it. We stayed there for what seemed like hours, and I relaxed more and more. Finally, she began to calm down. I helped her to her feet and led her to the couch, where she promptly collapsed again. This time I was ready. I caught her, and set her gently on the couch. After a bit, she managed to talk.

"I knew." I didn't have to ask what she meant. "They w-wouldn't want someone so c-close to Al— him in ch-ch-charge. Th-they were s-scared of him, Severus."

I had nothing to say to this. She was right, of course. I hadn't thought of that before, but she was exceptionally close to Albus, and the ministry had not been happy with him at that point. Of course they wouldn't want another round of criticism fired their way right after giving away the headmaster post. I sat down next to Minerva and slowly embraced her.

She looked up, startled. She must have seen something sincere in my face, because she forced a smile, and laid her head on my chest, still crying softly. Then she moved closer to me and put her hands on my shoulders. It was my turn to be startled. I hadn't thought she would do that, at least not on purpose. However, I let her stay there; she needed the comfort. After a minute, I spoke again.

"Minerva, did you really think I would want you to leave?" she looked up and considered her answer, no moving away from me.

"No, not really," she said slowly and quietly, "I suppose more I thought the Minister would convince you that I was not needed."

"Never." I assured her, "I am not that stupid." She smiled, though her eyes still shone with her tears. It was the first time she had ever looked at me that way before. She was not as sad as she had been. She was seeing me in a new light, that of a friend and comrade, not a rival. She seemed hopeful, for what, I was not sure.

"I will need a Deputy, you know." Her expression brightened, "It will need to be someone used to an authoritative position, and someone who can show me the ropes. Minerva?"

She smiled fully and laid her head back on my chest, wrapping her arms around my neck as I put my own hands casually on her back.

"Thank you, Severus." She whispered so quietly I barely heard her. I tried to stand, only to realize at some point, she had moved onto my lap. Startled by my movement, she scrambled to get out of my way, but her little couch (loveseat actually) was too small for all the commotion. We lost our balance and fell to the floor: first Minerva, then myself on top of her. We were breathing heavily as we lay there, too stunned at the turn of events to move. Then, Minerva began to laugh softly. I didn't find the position funny in the least.

She continued to laugh quietly as I stood and helped her to her feet.

"What is so funny?" I demanded. She was a bit taken aback by my harsh tone. I hadn't meant to use it. Old habits die hard. My face softened to say 'sorry' and she accepted the unspoken apology.

"It was just odd. For a minute all I could think was--" she broke off, looking shocked at herself, as though she had just prevented herself from speaking bad language.

"Yes?" I pressed. She continued to look shocked, but she slowly turned her eyes to me, and I saw that hopeful look again.

"Was how nice your eyes look up close and if you--" she said more, but too quietly for me to hear. I moved closer to her, but her eyes were cast down again so she didn't see. By the time she looked up I was right in front of her. She gasped and jumped backwards about a step.

"Sorry, but I didn't quite catch that." I wasn't quite sure _what_ I was getting at. I was not feeling, attracted to her, was I? No, that was impossible. Yes, we would need to get along, but not _that_ well.

"Was-" She spoke shakily, as though afraid to say her answer, "if you would kiss me." She quickly looked down yet again.

I was stunned. I tried to think, but found my mind blocked. I couldn't process what she had just said. If she wanted _me_ to kiss her, she must have been much more sexually repressed than anyone ever guessed. But she hadn't said she _wanted_ that, just that the thought that I might kiss her crossed her mind. I relaxed a little, but still was in a great deal of shock from what I had just heard. It must have been her own state of shock. That's it. She wasn't thinking clearly. She was still unstable from her boss' death, and her title being stripped from her.

Then again. Did she want to be kissed? I'm no expert on women and their ways. Women are far to complicated. They say one thing but mean another. Instead of asking you straightforward, they test you, and you usually fail the exam because you never know what they're testing you for. They ask the craziest questions and the answer you give never seems to be the correct one.  Minerva's voice suddenly jumped my train of thought.

"Not that I would mind terribly, I suppose." I knew what she meant. "It's been a while for me. Probably not for you though; you're still young enough." Oh, that statement proved how little she knew about me. She was facing the wall, her back to me as she said all this, so I couldn't read her expression. I considered using Legilimency, but thought better of it as she would probably never trust me again if I pried into her thoughts.

But would she ever know? Yes. No? To tell the truth, I had no idea. Did I want to kiss her? No. Yes? Now I had confused myself in addition to the confusion Minerva had thrown upon me. I was beginning to get a small headache.

"Thank you, Severus." I looked up. Minerva was looking at me again. I hadn't noticed when she turned around. "For helping me get a hold of myself. I needed a consul, or better a psychiatrist; anyone who would just let me talk and listen to me. You helped more than you'll ever know."

Well. I helped her. She said something straightforward. At least I wasn't in the mood for reading anything more into her words than what was presented by them up front. The fine print was not was not important, though I knew this would haunt me later. Without thinking, I sank back down onto her love seat and thoughts poured out of my mouth before I could stop them, or even realize I was saying them to the world, not just myself.

"Glad to be of service. Now I need someone to do the same for me." Minerva looked a little surprised, as though she thought I was above having someone listen as I poured my thoughts and feelings to them. After a minute she moved next to me and sat down beside me, just close enough to make me uncomfortably aware of her presence, but not physically touching my body.

"That's what a deputy is for, you know. Helping you when you feel stressed, giving advice and lightening the load on your back. Assisting you with what you need--"

"I need a good kiss." That was **_NOT_** supposed to come out loud. That was a private thought. PRIVATE! Minerva was looking at me in pure shock. Her face, not bothering to hide her reaction, matched mine.  She seemed frozen, but I could see her thinking hard through her clouded eyes.

"Not necessarily from you, Minerva," I tried to amend (save) myself. It didn't entirely work. I don't think she even heard me. No, I'm sure she didn't. She was blushing a light pink and tuned away from me. She stood and opened the door before turning back to me.

"Please, Severus." She said motioning out the door, "It's not that I don't enjoy the company, but we need to separate before things get out of hand."

I was going to leave, until her desperate tone intrigued me. Why was she worried that things would get out of hand? Did she honestly think I would do that with her? I stood stock still in the door frame. Minerva's voice registered in my mind, but I didn't hear what she said. Instead I turned back to face her. She looked worried, almost scared. The effect was doubled by the tear stains left on her cheeks from her uncontrollable crying less than fifteen minutes ago. Unconsciously, I reached out and brushed her check with my hand. She closed her eyes and leaned into my hand. I brought it back up to cup her cheek and slowly, gently kissed her.

My lips barely touched hers, but I still felt her shiver at the kiss. She took a few breaths, not looking at me. I turned to leave, but only made it one step before I felt Minerva's hand on my shoulder. I turned back to her and was met with her lips pressing into mine.

She startled me to say the least, but I needed the comfort her kiss held so I couldn't find the strength to pull away and slowly, subconsciously realized I didn't want to. We retreated back into her rooms, breaking only to close the door behind us. We lay down on the couch, still tasting each other, slowly falling into ecstasy, losing consciousness. I don't remember what we did and how we found comfort in each other, though that's probably for the best.

I awoke the next morning still on her couch, with a fully clothed Minerva on top of me; she had only discarded her robe. Her head rested on my bare chest, which was rising and falling in rhythm with my breathing. My shirt and robe lay on the ground beside her robe. She was still sleeping peacefully, and I didn't want to disturb her. When she awoke we shared one last kiss and walked to breakfast hand in hand, much to the surprise of the students.

We never actively tried to form a relationship, but slowly we did make it official. The ministry was not happy that an employer was going on midnight dates with his employee, but let it pass when I told them it was all thanks to the minister himself that our feelings for each other had blossomed (a completely true statement). A relationship has not changed my personality much however. If anything, I've developed a quicker wit, but I try my hardest to treat the students all equally. The Hufflepuffs can still be dunderheads, Ravenclaws remain too smart for their own good, and Gryffindors are still stupid enough to get caught at night, sneaking around the castle, but I try to find faults in Slythierin too. All the tables in the Great Hall look the same from the Headmaster's chair.

Minerva has proven to be not only an exceptionally emotional and loving kind woman, but also a wonderful counterpart, always ready with a jab of her own to keep me on my toes, and there's nothing more relaxing than spending an afternoon first arguing over some trifle subject and ending up kissing on the staff room couch. I eventually got used to the title of Headmaster, but I will never be above the rest and she helps me remember that, and I have told her that keeping my head on my shoulders is her main job. I never want to lose myself to all the fame being the Headmaster gives you. She loves me enough to listen when I need her and that is more than I could ever ask for.

A/N: No one knows how long this has been playing in my head… It feels good to get it out, though it took me nearly a week to type, and I'm still not entirely happy with Snape's character. Let's just say the war softened him… This is a one-shot for all those SS/MM devoted people out there.

- (meow!)


End file.
